iAdmit...

always knew it wouldnt be shits and giggles forever
at some point we'd be giggling shits for better or worse
coerced into being just under the completion percentage
at a century see her and me
told nothing was perfect
so striving for the 99th percentile
seemed worth it

see, cole gave me the catalyst
to tell this story cats have missed
and its imperative
it come out with directness
cuz as i vibe im transported back to them days
like 08
when i was feening for it straight
on the tip of my tongue your essence
i wanted to chase

but shit was real
cuz i was in a situation where happiness was a tuesday-thursday kinda thing
but it made sense to my monday-wednesday-friday brain
damn
what about the weekends?
and im going thru life like i thought i should have
living out dreams that were 5 years old
on paths that had me places i thought i should be
tracing, tip taping along them lines of duality
until they got crossed like Malcolm
and she gave me a taste
mine as well gave me a hand full of spades

heard that song and instantly knew it was a classic
then in my contrarian way
i downplayed it
she had me on some longest crush eva type shit
freshmen year sophomore year
settling
for other chicks
got me up all night
contemplating my life
asking myself do i wanna be tuesday thursday type happy
incomplete
sitting round playing love songs like i was case studying

now my peoples knew my situation and thought it was cool
and im still scared to ruffle feathers
so im playing big bird trying to please everybody
mind still wondering back
like when hip hop had its shit together
im telling myself you cant fight city hall
the establishment runs shit
why go against it

dont let your heart life block
my current chick e&j
but she...ciroc
goes down smooth and thanks me for drinking
this shit deeper then it being cold outside and needing someone to bun
my current chick insignia
but she....samsung
her tats tell of beauty and growth
id be happy to kiss them slowly slow
decision made
hard to be with someone so long and then let them go
my last chick old ass PC
but her...macbook pro
and im punch drunk
head spinning
mind wheeling
brain hurting
heart thumping
seeing stars
my life like a bag of bats
shit crazy
im down in this pit tryna see the sanity that sat above
then it occurred to me

to ask

"would you believe me if i said im in love?"

what?

known her for years but that shit hit like a ton of bricks
and i start spazzin
thinking them useless females' attention would make me snap out of it
like ima fill my heart with the approval of lesser chicks
but her essence still just wouldnt go away
and here we are

"had me up all night....
all im singing was love songs"

and im really down with singing em more
writing more love poems
cuz i cant take that tuesday thursday type love
i thought id be good with the status quo like tax time
but shit with my last chick was like studying poetry for years then
finally learning the meaning of rhyme
useless
she gives me purpose
and everyday i cant help but ask myself

"would you believe me if i said im love?"
hell yes

SoulTape

first off: fuck you willie lynch

not to be admitting that you actually exist

but to drown out the proverbial stench i distinctly can trace from you to me

over the past four centuries

second off: i have to hand it to you
not as in round of applause
but here take these gauze
apply it to the schism you and those other masters' decision created
while we bleed continuously
im surprised were still even here which conditionally speaks to the perseverance we possess

we're standing at a mirror looking at the open wound as crimson blood pours
babies cry at tightly closed doors that were closed before they were ever conceived
martin had a dream but now he's gone and the white men gloat
raising taxes closing schools
damn we need an ID to even go out and vote

the fuck?

been past nine pints of blood;
that was about 600 years ago
we should be dead.
yet you had us trained, willie
lets teach these here niggas how to survive under the guise of forward progressivism lets put a deep voiced black man on the television help them save money show em what progressive gets them
while we sensationalize the ghetto porno-vision these artists and videos feed straight to the souls of the kids
black ice said it best the music
so much more addictive then crack is
and we still bleed

we still bleed for that 14 year old mother who has no other ways to provide for her 2 year old then to sell her body to 52 year old 52 strokes at a time
abandoned by the 19 year old who bleeds for his 33 year old mom who told him

that lil bitch aint pregnant she lying take these lil stupid girls pussy and when they start crying tell them to get in line we lying

to ourselves as we bleed through our polos and gucci belts and retro jays
we bleed through the gold chains watches and clutch perse bags
we bleed through the designers other people tell us to look at
we bleed through the seams of them versace jeans
we bleed through the seams of all these pointless clothes they trendsetters tell us are hot
ha that white republican whos voting for romney got his whole fam decked out in clothes for 2 hundred dollars at walmart

while we bleed

but i got a little soul tape
i got a little move to make
this education something they tried to take and i bled for my future
my mom's tears at the prospect of my pain dried at the prospect of my ascension to a little clear adhesive
nowhere near enough to close that schism willie brought up but its enough to keep moving through these tough times and false movements

see i know where the fix is but right now all i got is a little soul tape

apply it to my heart pump the breaks
at them fools who try to persuade me to not follow these dreams i speak
i gotta little soul tape
to that dude who looked me in the eyes and told me "dont be a teacher, what do they make?"
word? give me two years and ill someday make your son a better man cuz you a fake see this education...
my soul tape
divine lines to the skies ethereal wings to the beings we aught to be
im tellin these kids come roll with me
i need some more mentees
soul tape betterment of our communities soul tape better female role models for these misguided young girls
soul tape making education trendy soul tape here i got the dispenser its me

Somethings gotta give

im in the mind of doing another redesign...a mixture of old/new content...and hopefully a new optimism with my posting tendencies. i honestly have the habit of posting really great stuff then getting down on my blog because i feel like no one is reading it. so im definitely gonna focus on doing some things differently in the coming times. bear w me as i try to put together this blog in a better way to get you my best material. all while at the same time keeping it simple and giving you insight into me, as a person and how i think. here we go...

Murder to Excellence (Parts I&II)

Bloody Murder

they always told me i have an old soul
they always said
real men arent born
they're bred

sadly
the idea of the conventionally virtuous black man
is dead
bloody murder

replaced
with empty space
between each earlobe
the base of the neck
and the forehead
black decedance
stuck in a demographic
that praises and epitomises
the least of important things
in the grand scheme of things

sadly
the idea of the conventionally virtuous black man
is dead
bloody murder

murdered by a plethora of things
least the ones that most fear
the potential we hold
the size of our brains
black decadence

in my demographic reigns supreme
and the people dont see their treachery
ignorance
beside itself in its lechery
especially
the apparent ideals of the young women
untrained in the ways of ladiness
for the most part
unschooled in the value of thier treasury
so they give away freely
to any man willing to spend a small portion of his time
black decedence

eventually creationg a void of knowlegde
spawning free roaming negativity
an airborn cancer
striving to enslave the piety we were given
creating the balance of murder
of which we are all guilty of commiting

because we allow it
black decedance'
bloody murder
bloody murder

_____________________________________________________________________________________

black excellence

they always told me i have an old soul
they always said real women arent born
they were bred

excellence
oppulence
reverence

the idea of them skeezers, jawns, and birds
is dead
cuz im killing it
out of excuses
more and more black women are college educated
raised within decent family structures
with the drive and ambition to achieve dreams
unlimited potential
from their finger nails to their foreheads
black excellence

the continuous circle of excuses by men and women
not to excel
not to do well
to be satisfied with the conventional status
we see our sisters and brothers attain
untamed
but constrained
continuously
by the media who displays fantastically mundane
excistences of real people
but our ignorance
tells us its fantastic
something to esteem

meanwhile these women have the lowest self esteem
i have ever seen
empowerment
should come from the community
a congregation of men and women who instill values in the young ones
coming up
not vh1
saying basketball wives and house wives are comming up

i want
black excellence

not the paradoxical nature of this so called entertainment
that teaches drama
turning mama into a bad role model
cuz she sits there with her young daughter and watches it
baby girl process it
grows up thinking these are what real women are
and us men are all ready and willing to take advantage
instead of expecting more
fuck average

black excellence

i need them old times back
when if you didnt have on a suit and tie
you werent even given the chance to call on some mans daughter
times have changed ill give you that
but we can adapt

black excellence
oppulence
reverence

we have barack and michelle steppin up to set the example
but we are too ignornat and misguided to appreciate it
we'd rather be bey and jaw
wiz and amber
im tired of it

challenge yourself

to black excellence
oppulence
reverence

didnt say it would be easy
but for lack of a better way to word this
itll be worth it

black excellence
community service
black excellence
education
black excellence
higher expectance
black excellence
oppulence
reverence

Wisdom

i got 4 minutes to preach
3 days to teach
2 hours to listen
and 1 second thats given

God grants what he gives before calling us to heaven
the devil takes what he can of us before we know what happened

i dont need reinvention
just a little inspiration
words ideas analogies similes
sweet dreams
flood my mind so commonly
all i ask for is preparation

time to bind these themes together
shoestrings
lace em up one hole at a time
spread my message to a mind thats not blind

to wisdom
or the knowledge that im not all knowing
that the process of still growing
is still growing
within me

i say im still growing
life still knowing what it needs
to teach me
formal education constitutes a small percentage of life's knowledge
therefor i formally ask to educate myself knowing life's challenge
to reach me
is pretty deep

youth gaines many things
but humility is not one
this big water head takes concepts life shows
and drowns them in its own wants
im on one

i can only pray to the muses to invoke lifes patience
as i practice listening
it stands tall and calls for my eyeballs and ears to be fixed in

come young man
right here you can stand
dont have to do much
just listen in
to what i got three days to teach

and
through my headphones
and trusty phone
i show im not hearing
not even trying to be discrete

but its funny how if life had a manifestation
it would look just like somebody who'd lived it
God places angels around us constantly
in the hopes to just one of them
attention we'd give it

so that once we grow older and notice young soldiers
losing the battle to life's bullshit
we've lived it

we'd say

come young per-son
right here you can stand
dont have to do much
just listen in
to what i got three days to teach

and through their mobile phones
and music tones
they can show us independence
freedom to make mistakes
walk through lifes earthquakes

and come out the other end
with wisdom

LovePoem (from tumblr)

she says i am her heart

incarnate.

recently, i told her

she was forgiven before she done it.

we go back and forth

infinitely refinding forever

or the patience required

to get through these days

or over them

long distance a grind worse than any type of illegal hustle

the product you push isnt in your hands

transactions are scarce, hard to plan

but never bland

time stops in between the moments im not with her

everyday life is an annoyance

mosquito bites, fruit flies, little siblings

the tinniest itch that needs to be scratched before i can renegotiate my attention to the girth of her frame.

my breath the very sound of her name.

i say she is my heart, incarnate.

recently, she told me

i was forgiven before i done it.

thats love

Humility

i wish i knew love enough to write about it
the story of my life
as it pleases
love goes in and out of it
teasing me
subtly appeasing me
as it sees fit

im not an old man
still a baby in this thing called life
and if a wise man knows his ignorance
than is it correct to admit my ignorance
as wisdom??
am i getting it?

tough concept to crack
but as a writer i do this daily
crack concepts in half
life philosophies
id never skip that class

im just getting a little older now
love realizes this
bed feeling a little colder now
messing with these random chicks
i wish
i knew about love enough to write about it.

when we were younger it was so simple, wasnt it?
it be that one chick
one dude
who made you think about no one else
for a time
oh she's a dime
i might wife her
now jay-z is married with kids on the way
funny how life is
if
i could just get her a powder blue rock-a-wear suit
white nike her...
it would be simple right?
if all love was like high school love
passing notes left to right
staying up on the phone all night
rebelling against parents that just want your schooling to be your only sight
yea right
that was high school love

im older now
with these grown man hands
im making grown man plans
i got grown man demands
demand grown woman sands to wade through
simply nice smiles and big butts wont due
but a woman of substance
a love like this
im into

i wish
i knew about love enough to write about it
but really
a lovely lady of substantial virtue
would always do
no one perfect
but one who strives to better herself
therefore as a couple, we improve
complimentary
like the sun and moon

lets make stars together
a new universe
pure creation
hand in hand
a love like this
i wish
i knew enough about love to write about it
no
i wish
i knew enough about love to talk about it
no
i wish i knew enough about love to be about it
to be about you.
i wish
i knew
you